Resolve

I don't usually make New Year's resolutions. I completely understand the concept, a fresh start, linear progression, etc. I find it very appealing, but in years past I don't think that I really had any hope that things COULD change. Even more, I believe that I didn't have faith or trust in myself, that I could or would make any positive movement and stick to it. I was in a rut...a very deep, deceivingly cozy rut.

The past year has been staggeringly difficult. I feel as though I have been challenged in all ways, albeit emotionally, physically, spiritually and definitely intellectually. As hard as it has been, the beauty lies in that I not only made it through but well....I kicked its ass. At the risk of sounding cheesy, I feel like it's been a rebirth. I feel like the past 12 months have been a gradual detox. I have emerged with more confidence, more clarity and more calm than ever before. Life is peaceful, life is good.

So in an effort to continue to grow and thrive in all those aspects of life, I sat down and pondered that common question that many ponder this time of year...What do I want to do differently? Here's what I came up with:

Read more.
I tend to get so caught up in school that I miss out on the joy of reading a good book. I want to make a dent in my to-read list.

Learn how to use my camera.
A couple of years ago I purchased a nice digital camera with the intention of really learning photography. I even took a college course hoping to expand my knowledge on the topic but the setting is rarely off "automatic". I want to learn just how to master it this year. I am going to be trying out the things I am learning and taking no less than a picture a day to see how (and if) I am progressing.

Go Green..er..ish.
I know this sounds relatively lame and certainly a bit hypocritical coming from someone who owns two gas-guzzlers but I feel compelled to change the way our family thinks and to instill a sense of responsibility about the way we consume and dispose of things. I am not going to install solar panels on the roof or anything (yet) but I think changing all the remaining bulbs to those cool twisty ones and setting up some recycling bins in the garage is a good start.

Try a new recipe every month.
I love cooking. I really, truly, genuinely do. I'm not a huge fan of the post-feast cleanup and lately haven't had a lot of extra time to plan, prep and shop so I haven't done much more than the standard easy meals. I really want to learn different meals and utilize my sweet Kitchenaid mixer that Kevin likes to refer to as "the very expensive statue".

Keep in touch.
I am awful at staying in touch. It is not abnormal for me to go a month or more without talking to my best friend or even my own parents. With my schedule, time slips by so quickly and although I think about the people I care about all the time, I rarely sit down and go so far as to shoot a quick myspace comment, email, or text. This year I want to try harder to make that effort. Even more, I want to actually write letters. The kind that you mail...from a mailbox. I know...so old school of me.

Pamper myself.
As I am sure most mothers can testify, it actually takes effort and resolve to do things for ourselves. This year I am almost positive that my friends were close to staging an intervention regarding my physical appearance. On more than one occasion I picked up hints about my gnarly fingernails or my shaggy eyebrows. Of course I don't want to dissuade my friends from going out in public with me but really I want to resolve to pamper myself because it MAKES ME FEEL GOOD. This year I want to set foot in the gym at least 4 days a week, even if I am just up for some sauna time. I want to get regular mani/pedis, take bubble baths, get my hair cut every 6 weeks, tame the brows every couple weeks, and eat healthier, more organic food.

Spend more quality time with family.
This year school kept me away from the family more than ever before. While they handled my absence like champs, I know that it affected them immensely. This year I want to prioritize and organize better and thus have more quality time together.

Be the person I would want to encounter.
I have learned a lot of hard lessons this past year. I've had my trust shattered, I've had my character called into question, and I've had my kindness mistaken for weakness and spit back in my face. For awhile this made me a bitter, angry person. I realized that my anger, resentment and bitterness was only hurting me and those close to me. I had to let go. I had to make peace. It's a daily, constant battle but it's one that I am winning and one that gets easier every day. This year I want to make the consistent effort to focus on the positive. I have a tendency to see what needs to fixed or what needs to be done rather than seeing what is right and what is already completed. I want to listen better, to learn more and to soak up life. I want to make a stronger effort to be present, patient and persistent. I want to continue to be honest, true and real, regardless of what people will think of me for it. I want to make concerted efforts to let go of the past, embrace the present and look forward to the future. I have a pretty freaking great life and it's about time I allow myself to marinate in that.